Being part of any couple can be challenging and unpredictable, as we all know. But when the man with whom you're involved is part of another couple, someone else's husband, then the challenge and unpredictability can make your life a messy, unhappy waiting game that you will rarely win. The woman who is in love with a married man lives a life that, for the most part, is shrouded in secrecy. Her close circle of friends might know about her affair, but she really cannot let anyone else, such as colleagues or her family, know.
She is alone most of the time and spends it waiting: She is not his wife, she is not mother to his children, she is not his parents' daughter-in-law. Her chance for happiness hinges on a future that is highly uncertain, to say the least. Your own survival is crucial, and if you do happen to fall in love with a married man, there are several hard truths you need to know. The needs of the many namely, his family will always outweigh your needs. His family will always come first, and that includes his wife.
Simply because he talks in a negative way about his marriage doesn't mean that his obligations to his wife are any less important to him. Whether or not they have children is a moot point; he will always feel as if he has to be a husband to her and take care of the marriage, whether he truly loves her or not.
Their life together includes friendships and a social network that is shared and comfortable for him. He won't risk losing that. His life with you is secret and always will be. No matter how much you may want to walk in the sunshine with him and have him openly acknowledge his love for you, it won't happen. While he is more than willing to be your lover and to bring you gifts, he is not about to have you meet his friends and risk having his family find out about you.
No matter how nice a guy he is, you are a temporary diversion for him. This is not an easy statement to comprehend.
Unfortunately it is true. The beginning of an affair is romantic and naughty at the same time. Planning to be together becomes a fascinating game and is thrilling to say the least.
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Stealing hours from work or home to have sex is exciting, and you may mistake his libido-driven passion for undying love. The game soon becomes a chore for him, and romantic interludes are just one more thing he "has to do. He will not leave his wife. Less than 5 percent of men leave their wives for the woman with whom they are having an affair. Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is -- or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman.
Even Katharine Hepburn knew, and accepted, this fact during her long affair with Spencer Tracy. Nov 23, , What does dating a married man and devouring hot chocolate fudge have in common? Both taste devilishly good, but both are sinfully bad! Yet, what is it about a married or the so-called 'committed' man that attracts women?
Is it the thrill of being the 'other woman'? Or just the promise of love?
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Dr Kamal Khurana, a marriage and relationship counselor explains, "Women who fall for married men are usually seeking attention and emotional support. Since married men seem to be more experienced and mature, they get attracted towards them. Owing to their experience, married men understand the emotional needs and desires of women better than their single counterparts.
If you have convinced yourself that his family would never come to know about it, think again.
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If they do, you would have to deal with the guilt of inflicting emotional pain on his spouse and kids, besides hurting yourself. It's important to consider that there are many people involved in your relationship, than just the two of you. Also, dating a man who's married may entail many restrictions such as not being seen in public places together or being with him only when he can find free time away from his family or sneak out and meet you.
Even more difficult can be living with the bitter truth that you are sharing him with his wife. Samvedna Thakur name changed on request , 27, who works in an advertising agency in Delhi claims, "I have been dating a married man for the last two years. We work in the same office. I've tried to break up with him several times but have failed in doing so.
I am aware of the consequences if his wife finds out about our relationship. I also know that I am his second priority, but I am so emotionally attached to him that I'm not even being able to find an eligible man for myself and get married. We have been together for a year. Recently, he confessed to me that he's married and is not happy with his present relationship. He said he doesn't want to cheat on me, but can't divorce his wife either. I've been trying to forget him since then and call off the relationship, but I am not being able to do so. Arvinder Singh, a psychotherapist and consultant says, "There is usually a lot of guilt associated with such relationships.
So, when you are in a relationship with a married man, it's important to analyse the emotional need that the man is being able to satisfy. Then see if you can get it elsewhere, apart from the married man. It's important to have a support system, otherwise it can be even more damaging for the woman as it could be emotionally taxing.
An important question that you need to ask yourself is - 'Why is he in a relationship with you despite having a family? It is important to evaluate and assess the benefits and drawbacks of such a relationship. You may be hoping that your man will leave his family for you so that you both can live happily ever after Assess whether the man you are dating is pursuing the relationship because he loves you or he just because he wants to take advantage of you. Poonam Tiwari name changed on request , 34, who works with a multi-national company in Noida adds, "I am in love with a married man who has a son.
I am married too and have a daughter. Mine was an arranged marriage, but after a year, lot of differences started creeping into our relationship. I met this man though a common friend and realised that he was the one for me.
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Being a wife and a mother, it isn't correct on my part to be dating a married man and giving up on my marriage, but I think our ultimate goal in life is to be happy, isn't it? What's the use of being in a relationship that gives you pain and suffering? The emotional turmoil While some women dating married men may find happiness eventually, most of these relationships end up leaving you feeling lonely, used and neglected.
A relationship exists because of mutual trust and commitment. In extra-marital affairs, you can't expect to get any of these. Most women know it by instinct, but not surprisingly many fall for it. You may find yourself alone more often than you'd like because his family will always come first. Moreover, if he is cheating on his wife to be with you, what's going to stop him from cheating on you? I met her even before I got married and proposed to her. But she said she wasn't in love with me. So, I didn't tell my parents about her and they fixed my marriage with another girl.
Gradually, she realised that she loved me, but it was too late to call off the wedding. I am happy with my marriage, but can't forget my ex.
Affair Survival: Tips For Dating a Married Man
I continue to meet her even today and I still love her. I am in a dilemma, but I can't divorce my wife as it would be very embarrassing for my family," says Gaurav Mehrotra name changed on request , 30, working as a sales manager in Indore. Mostly, in such relationships, the people involved are quite vulnerable. So, there's also a chance that the person can emotionally abuse you as you are emotionally dependent on him," explains Dr. The challenges ahead Dating a married man has a likelihood of being a failure and leading to a dead end, if he's not even contemplating on leaving his wife.
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Even if he is actually thinking about filing a divorce, you would still have to live with the guilt of being responsible for ruining a family. Gayatri, 33, a home-maker confesses, "I am in love with a married man who lives in my neighbourhood. My husband is usually not in town as work keeps him busy. I feel ignored and lonesome. I share a very intimate relationship with my neighbour and he has even assured me that we would find a way and be together, but whenever I insist on taking a decision, he keeps postponing the idea.
I am in a dilemma as I am very attached to him at present. However, since such relationships lack commitment; it leads to insecurity and complications in the future. So, it is advisable to keep oneself away from the same," adds Dr Khurana. If you are dating a committed man and want to get out of the situation, here are some tips to help you Don't limit yourself to him as there may be plenty of opportunities to meet an eligible man who can love you truly and morally.
How to Handle Loving and Dating a Married Man
A man who truly loves you would not want you to go though countless sacrifices just to be with you. Don't forget the reality that he is married. At the end of the day, he goes back home to be with his wife, while you are left feeling lonely. Think about your family, your loved ones and realise that they deserve your time and love much more than him.